My son (who is 11) is going to have a pretty major surgery in about 3 1/2 weeks - he'll be out of school for close to a year (He has to have his right leg lengthened due to a congential birth defect....he'll have a tutor)
My question is....what can I do during this very stressful time to make sure my two teen daughters know that I'm still here for them?
I'm a single mom and all three kids are my world but my son is going to need sooo much of my attention, I don't want my girls feeling left out. They're such good girls...they help me around the house, keep their grades up, play sports and they don't back talk me at all LOL...unbelievable, right?
I want to make sure they know that I need them and will always need them...not wanting them to feel left out of this whole process.....
TIAAdvice about my teenage daughters - other moms of teens or teen girls PLEASE?
When I was a teenager which was only a few years ago it really made me feel close to my mom when she just sat down and talked to me like an adult. Just open up to them and tell them everything you're feeling. Forget you're their mother for a few minutes and just talk to them as a friend; tell them something like, ';You know that your brother is going to need a lot of attention from me here soon and you girls are growing into such beautiful young woman and I don't want to miss any moments in your life. So no matter how busy I get please understand and remember that I'll be here for you if there's anything you need. Just come and let me know and I'll be there for you.'; And always let them know how proud you are of them and how you couldn't have asked for better daughters. You are obviously a very wonderful mom to have such good teenage girls so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Just keep it real and keep it honest...like you'd want them to do for you if they had a problem. And if you ever get stressed out or just need someone to talk to, sit them down and say, ';Look, I really need someone to talk to....'; Nothing makes a daughter feel closer to her mother than that. Good luck to your son as well.Advice about my teenage daughters - other moms of teens or teen girls PLEASE?
You sound like you have unbelievably good girls. I'm sure you have always treated them good. Just sit them down and talk to them. Maybe set aside an hour or so every now and then and spend time with them alone. Maybe one girl can help with your son while you spend alone time with the other. Then you can reverse it. Make them feel like they are still a part of what is going on, not on the outside looking in on you and your son. Hope everything goes well.
I think you need to tell them this. Let them know that you're still there for them even if your attention may be geared toward your son right now. At the end of the day, family is all that counts and yours seems pretty strong. Good luck with everything.
Tell them exactly how you feel. Be truthful with them. Give them your time and energy when you can and explain to them now that you will be busy and preoccupied and occupied and that it will be for a long time but it will not be forever. Tell them that they can always come and talk to you if they need to. Tell them you will always be there for them but, it may not look that way for a while. It sounds like they are the kind of kids that will really understand. See if you can schedule some specific and reliable time during your week when you can be with each of them for even just a short time. Tell them you are likely to be concerned and worried but that you will still love them and need them as much as ever. Let them each have some sort of role in taking care of their brother. Not a major responsibility but, some way for them to be involved and needed and show they care as well. You could also look for a counselor to help you while you're going through this difficult time. The people who are working with your son may even have resources to help you. Stressful times can be made even more difficult for unnecessary reasons when there really are people who can be of help. Let your daughters feel free to express their fears and worries and also give them time to enjoy themselves. And take care of yourself because you will need to be able to go thorugh all this and rely on yourself to be strong enough to know when you need a break.
Tell them exactly what you told us. You sound like your doing a good job raising your children. Your girls will understand I'm sure.
I have 5 daughters ages 10 to 18. When my oldest was in the hospital for 16 days, my other 4 were very supportive of me being there for their sister.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
You sound like a wonderful mother and your children are very lucky to have you. Im sure your girls are pretty understanding with what is going on and know you need to do some extra things to tend to the 11 yo. A suggestion would be maybe set aside a night or two each month that you could have someone come sit with the 11 yo and take the girls to a movie, for icecream, or just out to chat.
It sounds as though they are mature enough to understand the situation that's going on. Just try to treat them as normally as you possibly can, and make sure if they have duties around the house that you give them a break now and then. Explain to them that this is going to be a difficult time for the family and tell them they can talk to you about how they are feeling. Don't forget to do fun things with them every once in a while.
I don't see where you will have a problem... they dont' seem like selfish girls.
Explain to them, even though I am sure they know, that you need to be there for your son during this time, but you will make sure you have time for them. Try not to get stressed out at simple things they might do wrong. Make sure they keep up grades, and have a ride to sports practices. Try to get a babysitter or relative a couple nights a month and take just your daughters out to eat or something and have some mother/daughters bonding time. When your son is home from recovery at the hospital, try to be together a lot. Watch your favorite TV shows together, or have a family movie night. Try to stay as close as you can to your daughters, but of course then you can't forget your son. I'm sure your kids will understand that this is a really tough time for you - they seem like good kids, and that even though they wish you could be with them more, you have to deal with their brother. Good luck, and I hope your sons surgery goes very welL! They seem like great kids, and I'm sure they would rather have you be with their brother when he needs it rather than being with them at a time when he is in pain!
What a lucky mom you are to have such caring and responsible girls. You must really treasure them.
I would think that such daughters should be rewarded with
a special lunch or dinner out once a month to enjoy time away
from the house and all the extra responsibilities. Everyone
needs a breather from their normal routines. And I can't think
of a better way to have one, enjoying a special meal with
your kids, that you didn't have to make or clean up. And you
can just relax and enjoy their company.
I'm sure you could find someone to sit with your son, for
your getaway of an hour or so. Or maybe you could put him
into a recliner, and prop up his leg and give him the remote
for the TV or some magazines or books, and let him entertain
himself while you're away that short while.
Whenever things get extra stressful or our routine is changed, we like to do an encouragement feast. I got the idea from a book called Redirecting Children's Behavior. What you do is: have everyone sit around in a circle. One person sits in the middle and then everyone goes around, one at a time, and holds their hand and says, ';what I love about you is...';. After everyone has said what they love about the person in the middle, the person in the middle then says one thing they love about themselves. Then you pick a new person to go in the middle. I can't tell you how many times this has dissolved negative energy and everyone just feels so loved, they just go on their way. We've been doing it a lot during the summer because the kids are home from school and they just start to get on eachothers nerves.
Love and peace to you!
Well first off I just want to say you sound like a great mother and I hope your children know how lucky they have it. By all you said I don't think they will have a problem with anything.
I really believe in daily family prayer for helping a family get through the hard times - when a child hears a parent praying for them they try harder. Also, teenage girls LOVE to talk, especially late at night. You might try to make sure you have a late night activity with them now and then (not movies - bake cookies or help with homework). My teenager loves to get me in the car alone. She loves to talk then because she knows I can listen. We live 40 minutes from the nearest mall. That, of course, is her favorite drive.
Ask your lovely girls for help looking after their brother. They will feel needed and reward them for their kindnesses.
First I want to say that you are a great mother and that everything is going to be great. I'm 20 and I always suggest this to my friends so I hope it will work for you. I think that once a week of once every other week you should have a day with your girls. Take them to do something even if it doesn't cost anything. Just some Mom and Daughter time. Have someone that you trust look after your son. Then Do the same for yourself. Take some time for you. Go to the park and read a book or take yourself out to dinner. But just explain to your children and they should understand. They know that you care about them but this is just a way of really showing them that Mom has not forgot. I pray for your son and your family and that everything goes well.
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